Fade to Black
by Luver.of.Pie
Summary: "You said forever! You said you would never abandon me! You never lie, so why did you this time? Why did you leave me?" One-shot.


_Fade to Black_

"_You said forever! You said you would never abandon me! You never lie, so why did you this time? Why did you leave me?"_

_By_

_Luver . of . Pie_

Never before in my life have I thought that black could look so… horrifying. After all, black _is_ the epitome of fashion. It goes with everything, it looks good on _almost_ everyone, and it's elegant. Not to mention the little black dress, the weapon of every woman.

So why do I wish that black never existed? Why do I wish that I will never have to see the blasted color again, never even hear the word, that disgusting word, _black_? Maybe… because I don't want to see it on _you_. I've always thought that black was a good color for you, but now that I see you in that black tuxedo, not at all looking like the man I love, I never want to see anything black again.

But I'm in a sea of black; a sea that I'm drowning in. Is it ironic that I hate swimming? I need a helping hand, I need _your _hand to help me out, but… you're not here anymore, you're _gone_, and I'm stuck fast.

If I could forget you easily, just like my past boyfriends, I wouldn't have a problem. I could hold my head high, flick my hair behind my shoulder and move on, strutting away in my high heels. But when I close my eyes, when I strain my ears, I see your blinding smile, hear your joyful laugh; they haunt me. At night, my dreams are invaded by your presence, and I _can't wake up_.

Almost everyone has left. Your mother and father are standing by the door, shaking the last guest's hand before walking out and going to their Mercedes. They don't care about you. They don't love you like I do. I stay behind, standing alone by your coffin, and run my hand over the smooth wood. Before I know it, a tear slips down my foundation-covered face; I wipe it away with my hand. Holding in a sob, I reach down into my purse and bring out make-up remover wipes, and I rub them all over my face, making sure I get all of the make-up off. You always said that make-up doesn't highlight my beauty; I have it naturally. You deserve to see my plain face once more. For the last time.

Finally, I let out the sob that I have been holding in for so long, for too long, and the tears fall down my face like a faucet. I hit the wood with you inside hard with my clenched fist, and hear a resounding _thud_. My sorrow overwhelms me, and I scream to you, even though you can't hear me.

"You said forever! You said you would never abandon me! You never lie, so why did you this time? Why did you leave me?" My knees buckle, and I slide to the floor. "Why did you leave me alone?"

And then, against my will… I remember.

_I walked to the park, searching for you. You asked me to meet you here, and then, when I finally did__ arrive, I couldn't__ find you. Sighing, I sat down on a park bench and kept an eye out for your swagger._

_After what seemed like __ages__, I saw you walking over towards me, your hands in the pockets of your surprisingly well-fitting jeans. I smiled at you and patted the bench next to me, an invitation to sit. You took it and put your arm around me._

_Some people might have thought us insane. But, no matter what others thought__, we were in love, and that was all that mattered. As long as we had each other in the world, we were never alone. You smiled at me, and I smiled back, leaning into your chest. But you pushed me away, pointing__ to something in the distance._

"_Look at that bird! It's awesome!" I looked for the non-existent bird, but found nothing._

_I turned back to you, question on my lips. "What bir-" M__y voice was cut off by a gasp as I pressed my__ hands to my lips. You were down on one knee, holding out a ring box that held a simple diamond ring inside and smiling at me with that big, dopey grin on your face._

_You began to speak, but before you could say anything else, I leaned down and kissed you, throwing my arms around your neck. And then, I whispered in your ear the one word that would seal our fate forever: "__Yes__."_

I refuse to leave. No matter how much the owner pleads, I will not leave; my place is at your side. The man sighs, and turns away, but not before he says that I need to be gone by midnight. It is a few minutes past nine at the moment, so I have little less than three hours. I nod, feeling that three hours are better are better than none at all.

Another memory flashes through my mind, and although I do not want to remember, I do.

_It was late spring, and the final wedding preparations were being made. I had the dress, the place, the reception and most of all, I had the groom. With a giddy smile on my face, I twisted the ring on my left hand, something that had become a bad habit of mine. You had once again asked me to meet you in __our__ park and, without questioning the reason, I came. I sat down on the bench that had been dubbed __our__bench. It even had our initials carved into it._

_Suddenly, you appeared from the throng of people walking about, and, without even saying 'hello' or smiling at me, you sat down, your hands out of your pockets for once. Without you saying a word, I knew that something was wrong._

"_You know I love you, right?" Your words break the silence as you turn to look at me. I laughed a small, unsure laugh._

"_Of course! You tell me every day__,__" I said, smiling._

"_And you know that I always will?" My smile faded._

"_What are you getting to?"_

"_Nat… I think we should break off the wedding."_

_Silence. I'd never heard anything so __loud__._

"_What?" My words trembled, as did my lower lip. "Is this a joke? You don't mean that, right? This __has__ to be a joke!"_

_You shook your head, a rueful look on your face. "Nat, we need to break it off. We-" You closed__ your eyes and took__ a breath, almost steeling yourself for your next words. "We both know that this won't work out. We'll end up getting divorced before two years have even passed. I-I don't want to marry you anymore, Nat."_

_Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forced myself to stay strong; I wouldn't cry in front of you. I let out a derisive laugh, using my acting skills to make it sound real. "Well, that's nice! So now I can stop pretending to love you, correct?" Your face nearly broke my heart, but I wouldn't go without having the last word. I would __not__ let you break me._

"_All of this was a trick," I snarled. "A __plan__. Did you _really_ think that a Lucian would fall for a __Janus__?" I spat out the word Janus as if it disgusted me. In truth, it was a beautiful word, __and I loved it, because that was__ what you were. But that was__ over. You didn't love me. I made myself believe lies so that the hurt in my heart would stop._

"_I played you. I've been a spy for Mother all along. You were just a pawn in our chess game. It was absolutely disgusting to kiss you and to accept that bloody ring. Now that's over, and I have the information I need." I took the ring off my finger and threw it at your chest. "Happy Easter. Good luck with your life."_

_And then… I walked away. I kept my composure;__ I wouldn't let a stupid __Janus__ break me. I needed to be strong, stronger than you._

_And so as I left, I didn't notice the tear that rolled down your cheek, didn't notice you speaking into a microphone on your shirt._

_What you said into the microphone I would learn later, and it almost broke my heart._

"_It's done, Mother. She's gone."_

I sit there in a chair that I pulled up next to you. I talk to you, the last words that will ever pass between us.

"If you had only told me… This wouldn't have happened. You could have warned me in some way, written a note and given it to me. Don't take my words the wrong way, I don't blame you… I just wish that you had told me. Then I wouldn't have gotten mad, you wouldn't have defied your mother, and…" I take a deep breath.

"Your mother wouldn't have killed you. If you had only written a note… Your mother wouldn't have killed you, and you would still be alive." A tear falls down my face, but I put on a smile for you.

I talk to you for hours, until the two hands on the clock finally reach midnight. I bend down and kiss you one last time and take your wristwatch while putting a deep red rose into your cold hands. Then, before I leave, I reach into your pocket and take out a small diamond ring. Your mother put it there; I saw her. I smile, a watery smile, and place it on my left ring finger.

Then I turn away, put my coat on, and place your watch on my wrist. I will never take it off. Now, I can move on, even though you're gone. I can keep on living while you don't, because I will always have a part of you with me. I walk to the door, but before I walk out, I turn back and wave at you. I then blow a kiss; the last kiss you will ever receive from me. Then, with as much strength as I can muster, I say my last words to you.

"I love you, Jonah. Forever."

Then, I walk out the door and leave you behind. I do the hardest thing I can ever do in my entire life.

I let you go.

**_:O LOP WRITING A CRACK!SHIP! The world is ending! On another note, wasn't that depressing? Haha. Plot bunnies, again. I've had this stuck in my head since the beginning of November! Just haven't had the time to write it up, until now. I think this is actually the longest one-shot I've ever done for 39 Clues... Celebrate! xD_**

**_Anyway, thank you SOOOOOO much to Joelle8 for betaing this, as Amy was busy (don't worry, Amy, I'll be sure to make you PLENTY busy when you get back ;D), haha._**

**_Again, all the usuals, read, review, flames are welcome as long as they have some CC in it, favorite if you wish. Thanks for reading! :)_**

**_~LOP_**


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